Thursday, July 30, 2009

Hard

This is not a light-hearted post, and I have struggled with whether this is too personal for such a public forum, whether it is not for me to share like this. But here it is:

Monday the hubs and I celebrated 8 years of matrimony (or martirmony as I like to call it).

...and by celebrate I mean I spent the day accepting collect calls from my littlest sister who has landed herself in jail and the inevitable talking to my mother, which is, more often than not, infuriating, about what I should do about it.

Tuesday I sent a rather harsh and emotional email, crying the whole time, to my siblings (there are 7 total) and my mother about exactly how I felt having the whole ordeal slapped neatly in my lap. It was assumed that since she lives in my city, it was my decision alone to bail her out or not, put up the money and risk even more if she runs, and try to convince her to get the help she needs for an alcohol addiction (though not related to her charge--but very relevant). Surprisingly and thankfully several stepped up and I don't feel nearly as overwhelmed.


It has been a struggle wondering if the best thing for her is to bail her out just to watch her continue down the same delusional path of self-destruction. So, after 4 days she is still in jail and it breaks my heart thinking of her detoxing alone in a county cell, feeling pretty battered and abandoned.

I talked to her this morning and she is furious that I got the family involved, that I/we have decided that the best course of action is not to bail her out just yet, if at all. There is something so patronizing about the notion that you are going to make someone suffer for their own good. And yet, she has been spiraling in her nightmare of a life, leaving me, the one with the front-row seat, (and also others, of course) in terror for her life. So, knowing that she is at least safe and contained and now sober, what else can I do?

Anyone could have predicted this turn of events and smugly sentence her to accept the consequences. Yet, there was something unfair about the circumstances of her arrest. There is also something unjust and lacking in compassion, in talking about rational consequences for a being who has been so stunted in so many ways by unspeakable trauma that I have often wondered how she can possibly recover.


So I have been sad and teary all week and didn't even get to write the lovely tribute to my sweet hubs (maybe later) much less enjoy an evening out.

Wish me wisdom...

3 comments:

mosey along said...

My daughter's name means wisdom, and I pray frequently that I possess the required amount for whatever presents itself on a daily basis. But often I find I just rely on what my gut tells me. When I ponder a solution, I imagine how I will *feel* if I take one road or the other.

And when it's family-related, everything is exacerbated 1000 percent. I think you did exactly the right thing - no one should have to face a situation like that alone. Thanks for sharing.

And happy anniversary! 8 years is definitely not something to sneeze at....

Danielle said...

I'm sorry you had to spend a celebration time in sadness. I wish life wasn't so hard sometimes. I will pray for you and your sister :) I hope she can get better. Happy anniversary anyway.

anymommy said...

I wish you wisdom, and strength, and peace. The peace that comes with knowing for certain that all you can do is your best and these problems don't start with you.

Happy Anniversary, I hope you got to celebrate.