Friday, November 20, 2009

Annoying Facebook conversation and my new Facebook contract

This has been an exhausting week for some reason. I am finishing up the details on my dissertation, which shouldn't take that long, but I just don't want to sit down and finish it.

I have had a weird little headache for three days now. A few minutes ago, I went to take an Excederine and accidentally took a Tylenol pm because I wasn't thinking. I realized my mistake as I swallowed it and panicked. I am already tired and didn't want the added sleepiness and heaviness. In my panic, I even tried to make myself throw up (sorry if that is TMI and very lame). Don't be too worried though, I failed, I have no idea how to gag myself. But I think I did succeed in spraining my tongue.. is that even possible? I bet you all want to take back your "Congrats Doc" comments.

I had this annoying conversation with my mom yesterday (for the record, all conversations with my mom are annoying). I had told my mom about my defense on numerous occasions and it didn't seem to register. So, we were talking about why I didn't want to send an email to the family informing them (again? officially?) of my defense or why I don't want to send a "graduation announcement" email. The reason, if you are curious, is that very few of them care at all (or at least that is how I feel): they don't know what I study or why I have been studying so long or why I have chosen a lengthy degree that will not give me a million-dollar-salary pay-off in the end. They don't ask me about it and seem to get fidgety if I mention anything about my studies. In general, most of them don't ask me much about me: I am the "listener", the "receiver-of-rants" and the "advice-giver".

That part was kind of annoying, trying to justify or explain why I feel so lacksadaisical (sp?) about the family apathy dynamic. So I told her that I had posted a "status update" on facebook. So we started talking about facebook and it became clear that she really has no idea how it works. The conversation went like this:

She: Oh, I didn't get that email, do you have my correct address?

Me: Mom, it's not an email, it is a status update.

She: well, I didn't get the notification.

Me: They don't sent notifications to everyone just because I post an update.

She: well, then how do I find out about it

Me: you get on facebook

She: I don't use facebook that much.

Me: Well, that is where I posted it.

She: So where do I see your status updates?

Me: it shows up in your live-feed on your home page--all the recent activity from your facebook friends shows up.

She: well I think I have two facebook accounts, for my two different emails, which one do you have?

Me: What???? I don't think it matters what email you have, that is just where they send notifications and is used for your login.

She: because I didn't get that notification

Me: mom, there is no notification for status updates.

She: I can't even find facebook on my gmail page.

Me: it's not on your gmail page, you have to go to the facebook page, to sign in

She: I can never remember which email to sign in with or my password

Me: well, you have to write those things down somewhere...

(she gets on her facebook page and starts explaining everything she sees.)

She: Cindy says "blah blah" Roger says "blah blah"

Me: (in my head: I don't care what your friends are doing)

She: I don't see yours

Me: That's because it was last Friday, a lot has happened since them. You can go to my profile to see it.

She: how do I get to your profile?

Me: (silent scream--ahhhhh) you have to click on my name,

She: where?

Me: anywhere you see it, or click on my picture under your list of friends.

She: hmm, I don't see it... pause....

Me: you can click on my name on any comment I have made or even when we "became friends" or go to your list of friends and click on me.

She: you haven't commented on my page

Me: becuase I just send you an email if I need to

She: oh, I see we have some friends in common

Me: (impatiently) umm hmm, most of the siblings

She: where is Q? Why isn't Q on here?

Me: Q is not on facebook, I don't know why.

She: I thought he had a page, I think I have seen it

Me: no that is myspace, he has a myspace page.

She: they have all these new things now, like Twitter, I am on Twitter and I find it very challenging.

Me: Yes, the word limit...yeah, I'm not going to do Twitter.

and on and on

She still wishes that facebook would send notifications for important events like that and she thinks it is weird that facebook says that we "are now friends"

Am I just too easily annoyed?

So facebook is what it is and it has its annoying qualities, but I got to thinking about what I limit myself to on facebook. So this is my new facebook contract detailing what I will and will not do:


I will look at photos you post and even comment.

I will tell you that the photos of your baby/kids/grandkids/and maybe even your dog/cat are cute (because it is usually true)

I will post photos of my kids (I may appear occasionally, though I generally take the pics so I am usually not in them [and I am not very photogenic]).

I will read your updates and might comment, especially if they are not about what you are eating for dinner (except for Eileen and the artichokes, because I love artichokes) or what your plans for the evening are.


I will not post 10 status updates a day (not even one a day, acutally).

I will not throw a snowball at you.

I will not poke you.

I will not send you a gift to put under your Chirstmas tree.

I will not send you good Karma (at least not on facebook, I will send you old-fashioned telepathic Karma if you need it).

I will not help you steal arms or bury a dead body in Mafia Wars.

I will not send you a virtual plant for your facebook garden (though I have been known to give real plants as gifts).

I will (probably) not participate in the quest to determine: which celebrity diva I am most like; which of the seven dwarves I should marry; what kind of starbucks drink I am; what periodic element I am; which celbrities I want to be stuck in an elevator with; what crayon color I am; how sexy my name is; what my spririt animal is; how well I know the "Twilight" series. I am a party-pooper, I already know that.

I will not try to beat your score on any facebook game. (maybe... they'd have to come out with a really good one).

I will not send you a picture of a gift or a champagne flute (though I will happily drink real champagne in your honor if you are celebrating).

No offense, but I will probably ignore any of the above objects that you send to me because accepting them usually means that you give that application access to all of your info and list of contacts--which is both creepy and annoying.

Now, let's create a facebook poll: Who still wants to be fb friends with Annje (aka the fb grinch)?

Now I am feeling very sleeeeeeeepyyyyyyy......xkajfoiehioehryoiweqhoiq[


mosey along said...

I'm with you on the Facebook deal, and will happily stay friends with you. Poke? Really, c'mon.

And I can't make myself throw up either, which is probably a good thing although it would have been handy that time I ate the entire tray of brownies.

Happy weekend!

Margaret said...

Now THAT's the kind of Facebook friends I'm happy to have!
I agree with every one of your points, both the wills and the won'ts!
See? You get to keep your doc status, even though you goof up your headache-killer schedules (which would be entirely different had you studied pharmacy!)

Also completely get you on the family & studies bit. I once (and only once) asked my mother to read a piece that I was particularly proud of, she did, and then said, "what about it?" I also gave her a dedicated copy of my master's thesis and she later gave it back to me later because she didn't need it.
Ah well... So much for family support!

PS: I really like the "word verification" word I just got with this comment: "efinshil"--has a really cool ring to it, doesn't it?

Abby said...

You sound like the IDEAL facebook friend. Like Margaret, I agree with every point on your list! In fact, I'm going to friend you right now.

Annje said...

Mosey-I would never give up a tray of brownies--next time you can share with me!

Abby-it is an honor to be your fb friend. I am going to throw a snowball at you to commemorate ;-)

Margaret-ah the ever-elusive family support. Apparently some people have it. I am not sure whether to laugh or cry for you that your mom gave you back your thesis. Once I briefly explained to my mom the study I was going to do. She suggested that I should interview her because she has really interesting ideas. I told her she was not my target population and she told me that my data would be skewed then (uh, what?).

Eileen said...

I adore you even more than ever, even if you only comment on my artichokes because they in some way benefit you. (got one ready to go tomorrow, but probably won't post about it, sorry)

Margaret's word verification sounds alot like another email addy I have, and mine is fingn, which as you all know, makes it sound like a friend and I are pretending to do something.

Danielle said...

Annje you crack me up! I know your conversation with your mom was annoying to you but the way you wrote it sounds like a comedy skit! I always get excited for your new posts so I can have some quality entertainment. So thank you :)
As for FB I agree with you and everyone who commented. I feel that poking on FB and in real life is a bit inappropriate for grown people...

Sara said...

Your conversation with your mom had me giggling. I was thinking about posting how my mom recently "discovered" facebook and was all "Sara! Did you know you can find old friends that you haven't seen in years on this 'Facebook'?" Uhm...yeh mom. All the cool people have one...

I didn't send out an announcement when I graduated college becuase I I reasoned that they were going to think that I was asking for money and I wasn't planning on having a party. I figured that everyone who was important already knew I was graduating.

Pamela Cohen said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Pamela Cohen said...

and had nothing to lose but my own respect in being timid and honest.

Corrrection: but my own respect in being timid and less than....honest.

Will the mending be in this lifetime?