Friday, May 21, 2010

Family, balls, and the anti-joke

I spent much of last week with these people:

These three are siblings (there are seven of us)

When I am with them, I feel like this:

(that's me in 2nd grade)

I met one of my sisters-in-law for the first time. I am fairly certain she thinks I am a pervert obsessed with balls. It started when they brought their dog for a visit. She loves chasing tennis balls. She brought her slimy, drool-covered ball to me, begging me to throw it for her and I said:

"Sorry, I don't do wet balls."

and then I started laughing hysterically, uncontrollably (to myself... can you say "crazy"?) thinking how that could be misconstrued...

I told you, it's like I regressed 25 years.

So wet balls became the joke of the week, surfacing in all conversations and repeatedly in a game we played one night.

I didn't help change the impression of "ball-obssessed" when I started rambling about that book on human mating and how part of the biological evidence that our ancestors engaged in casual sex has to do with the size of the human male testicles (long story, we can get into that later).

I am pretty sure she thinks I am a freak. S.S., I swear, I never even use the word "ball" in that context... like, ever...just last weekend, to impress you. Did it work?

Then one of my brothers (law student) started talking about anti-jokes (doesn't that sound like something law students would sit around doing?... that and playing some computer game about gnomes)... anyway, I found them hilarious. This was my favorite:

What is green and has wheels?

Grass, I lied about the wheels.

almost. died. laughing!

It is when you tell a joke, but instead of a punch-line, you give a serious answer.

So last night I googled "anti-joke" and sat reading them on my itouch in bed, howling, nearly in tears, because some of them are so funny. (not all of them, some things aren't funny in jokes or anti-jokes).

Here are a few of my favorites:

Why do women fake orgasms?

Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.


What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Their names, if you know them. If not just say "excuse me"


What do you get when you cross a muffin with chocolate chips?

A chocolate chip muffin.


How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It shouldn't take more than one person to do this task, regardless of hair color.



I can't apologize for my odd sense of humor, it is what it is. I blame it on my family.


mosey said...

Okay, other than the fact that your brothers have facial hair and aren't nearly as cute as you, the family resemblance is uncanny.

I can't wait to have a glass of wine with you one of these days. I will come prepared with non-jokes.

Maggie May said...

the family resemblance is amazing!

and you are so funny :)))

Margaret said...

I love the anti-jokes! And oh do they take me back to my childhood, but I'll refrain to protect the innocent!
Glad you're having a good time!

anymommy said...

You are awesome. Surely, she can see that? The anti-jokes are hilarious and now, for your next post, I want to hear the testicle theory!

Sara said...

Hahah! I laughed at your post because that's exactly how I am. Anywhere. This is why I hate meeting new people and I suck at small talk because I always find a way to make it awkward.

Phoenix said...


You are too freakin' cute. I love people who enjoy dorky jokes as much as I do. lol

Marmo said...

Awesome. The anti-joke concept is brilliant, I haven´t seen something like that in spanish, and I laughed a lot reading them.
Also, as a law student and player of computer games about gnomes, I feel now compelled to share this new concept with my fellow students at law school. Maybe in spanish they wont be as funny as in english, but I´ll do my best, I hope.

Bex said...

I also find anti-jokes hilarious. One particular favorite:

What's brown and green and will kill you if it falls on you?

A pool table.


Sarah said...

I was impressed by your obsession with the male anatomy. :)